Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Love is fickle
Or should I say people are. Love is true, honest, unwavering. It's beautiful when it's real. When it's taken away from you, it causes you to question it on the surface. Was it really love in the first place? Even when deep inside you know it was. You focus on the what and not the why. Sometimes people do things that hurt you because they love you. And that is a difficult thing to handle. Because it doesn't look like love to you. Someone that cares about you shouldn't treat you like that. It can erase all the things that they ever showed you that proved their love for you. It's the craziest thing really. Because in your heart? You know they love you. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. It still doesn't remove the pain tho. It doesn't stop that sick feeling in your stomach, doesn't stop the questions you'll never get answers for. And in this particular situation, it is even worse. Because I had very little expectations of anything. I didn't plan on a happily ever after. I didn't expect to run off into the sunset with the love of my life because of... things. But what I did expect? I expected that when it did end, because ultimately it was going to, I expected it to be handled better. Or maybe I wanted it to be. I didn't think for a second that I would be treated like a stranger. I never expected to be treated more important, because I knew when the shit hit the fan that fixing home would be the number one directive, but cmon....am I wrong for expecting... Better? I only asked one thing, to not get tossed to the side like I didn't matter and that's exactly what happened. And no, that doesn't necessarily reflect on the feelings that were there for me, but dammit that's what it feels like. It's a strange feeling. Hard to handle some days...most days. But on those days? I try to remember the days that were good. That were happy. The days I know I made her feel good, beautiful, special.... The days I made the best effort I could to make her feel like a Queen. And in my eyes. She still is. She always has been.