Monday, April 25, 2016

I should be asleep but.....

A tiny flame, born from two candles burning at both ends, she was buried beneath the surface of the lush greenery of a lonely, deserted island. Surrounded by the salty sea, she grew....unattended and without nourishment, yet she smoldered slow, deliberately. She was beautifully warm, the passion flickered within her light. The sea was her friend, washing over her lovingly, not enough to put her out but just enough to soften her, calm her down when she felt like raging, reminding her of the balance of the world and that all elements must play their part to maintain order. She flourished in her fiery glory while giving respect to the sea which kept her safe from harm with its massive waves yet gentle tides.In time her island was discovered. Explorers dug holes in the landscape, exploiting its untouched fawn and flora, searching for hidden treasure and forcing her deeper into the ground, cutting off her oxygen supply. The sea was infuriated and raged its fury against the island, wiping it free of intruders and covering the remains in its healing salt. She was still there, burning ever so slightly, she survived. More explores came in droves. Large vessels lodged on the shores, men excavating and mining the island for all of its worldly goods to take back and sell to the highest bidder, causing a shift in the tectonic plates, pushing the sea further and further away. She became enraged, her fury unmatched and unable to be contained she broke through the island's surface, standing tall and covering the island in lava and soot, destroying the landscape and removing its appeal. She lie in wait in the belly of the volcano, unstable, patiently searching for her center, for her sea to return. Despite the island being desolate and unappealing, there was still beauty in her magma that drew outsiders to her, forcing her to erupt and set fire to the rain every chance she got. She still longed for the sea but it was so far from her, leaving her overexposed. Towns were built around her , using her heat as an energy source while she became a tourist attraction, something to oogle over and take pictures with, but no one ever stayed near her. She boiled hot yet she no longer erupted, not even smoke seeped out of her to kiss the sky. She was....inactive. No magma to collect, nothing to interest a tourist...eventually the people left the same way they came, homes abandoned and she was totally alone. She convinced herself she would never see the sea again and became complacent in her existence, constantly trying to put her fire out, wanting desperately to be an empty shell of nature's history yet she still burned. Rain fell around her for days, weeks, months...slowly raising the sea level, yet she ignored it. She no longer knew what to do with the sea, just as she didnt know what to do with her flame. The gentle, salty waves meant nothing, the tides rising around her base left her emotionless. The waves grew larger and more frequent and she stood stoic and unmoved. She forgot that water is the most volatile element and there's nothing that can be done to stop a tsunami when it is in motion. As the wall of  water  grew larger she looked away, burying herself deeper within her volcanic walls. The tsunami crashed against her, filling her full and crumbling her structure to the ground, her flame doused by the one thing that always protected her. She closed her eyes and accepted her fate.

When I woke up, I was surrounded by water. Choking and gasping for air, I was drowning in my own apathy and I had forgotten how to swim. I had forgotten how to love, how to care. I had forgotten what the sea meant to me, how it protected me. I'd lost my love for the sea as I had lost the love for myself. The salt on my skin felt strangely familiar, the smell jogging in the recesses of my mind and I began to float aimlessly, being pulled further and further out by the tides. I tried to swim to shore but the current was too strong for me and I was swept up in the waves, tossed around like a dog with a chew toy and thrown to shore. I laid still as the water receded from my body, bidding it goodbye and good riddance, but something in me wouldnt allow it to leave without me. I crawled to the edge of the shore, begging the sea to take me, to hold allow me to cherish it as I once did before. Water turned to steam against my skin, my inner flame growing stronger and hotter with each kiss of the wave, and for once I felt centered. Invincible. Destined. I am nothing without the sea, my fire does not exist without it and I will always let it wash over me.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

A thought

Slowly I walk barefoot through the grass, focused. Embracing the dew on my skin. Section 12, row 3, plot 11. Her grave is still fresh, dirt piled high, uneven with the rest of the landscape...muddy from the tears of the Universe and glistening with its blessings. I kneel before her one last time as my tears mix in the soil. She didn't have to die, not like this. She could've been saved. The sound of her voice consumes me...her sweet, raspy words dance in my ears like daggers. "Don't let this happen. Save me if you love me." I thought she was safe, protected, loved. I put blind faith in her lover, I believed her lover was everything she needed. She felt free for once....dancing, drenched in the caring moonlight as her bracelets jingled the beautiful sounds of happiness, draped in royalty, caressed in loyalty. But that loyalty was deceiving. Manipulative. Destructive. Poisonous. Infecting her very core with each kiss, torturing her being one breath at a time while feeding her full of tainted honey and bliss. Draining her life force until she was drowning in her own self doubt. I could have saved her. I saw the signs, the scars...the bruises on her heart that she tried diligently to keep from me. The pain behind her eyes she covered with her beautiful smile. She died in my arms...the same way I held her when she was first born to me. Close to my chest, I felt her heartbeat fade. Her last breath burned my my neck as I rocked her slowly, pulling the sword from her back, releasing her back to the Goddesses where she belonged all along. I never thought she would be taken from me, never thought I would falter in my protection of her that she would fall victim to the ruse of someone claiming to love her. I dig my hands in the dirt, digging thru her pain and her grief, desperately trying to reach her, blood spewing from my palms, mixing with the soil and clinging to my skin like molasses. Tears streaming down my cheeks like acid as I reach for her soul. I pull her up to me thru the dirt and cradle her against my chest, staring in her dirt covered, scarred face, a reflection of self in her eyes. A guttural whisper escapes her closed mouth...."You cannot save me now. You must save yourself". I attempt to protest as I watch her become sand, slipping thru my fingers and becoming one with the earth once again. I pour my love out thru my tears upon the sand and as they land, a gorgeous vine grows, winding itself around my legs, encapsulating me with patience and comfort. Wrapping me in love and protection as rainbow colored flowers bloom, covering me in a veil of pollen colored trust and I am at peace. Thorns turn to tiny vines and penetrate my skin, reminding me to feel, to remember danger is sometimes beautiful but she is always with me. I am encased in her as she courses thru my body, bursting thru my chest and spilling out upon myself, petals slowly falling upon the ugly mess that I have become. Gently, a strange hand takes mine, pulling me into her arms, cradling me and wiping my tears. I stare deep into dark eyes that look like mine, freckles across her face mimicking my own. She rocks me slowly, close to her chest as I feel her heartbeat grow stronger, Her breath across my forehead heals my wounds and I feel whole. "I wont let this happen again. I love you."