Sunday, April 24, 2016
Slowly I walk barefoot through the grass, focused. Embracing the dew on my skin. Section 12, row 3, plot 11. Her grave is still fresh, dirt piled high, uneven with the rest of the landscape...muddy from the tears of the Universe and glistening with its blessings. I kneel before her one last time as my tears mix in the soil. She didn't have to die, not like this. She could've been saved. The sound of her voice consumes me...her sweet, raspy words dance in my ears like daggers. "Don't let this happen. Save me if you love me." I thought she was safe, protected, loved. I put blind faith in her lover, I believed her lover was everything she needed. She felt free for once....dancing, drenched in the caring moonlight as her bracelets jingled the beautiful sounds of happiness, draped in royalty, caressed in loyalty. But that loyalty was deceiving. Manipulative. Destructive. Poisonous. Infecting her very core with each kiss, torturing her being one breath at a time while feeding her full of tainted honey and bliss. Draining her life force until she was drowning in her own self doubt. I could have saved her. I saw the signs, the scars...the bruises on her heart that she tried diligently to keep from me. The pain behind her eyes she covered with her beautiful smile. She died in my arms...the same way I held her when she was first born to me. Close to my chest, I felt her heartbeat fade. Her last breath burned my my neck as I rocked her slowly, pulling the sword from her back, releasing her back to the Goddesses where she belonged all along. I never thought she would be taken from me, never thought I would falter in my protection of her that she would fall victim to the ruse of someone claiming to love her. I dig my hands in the dirt, digging thru her pain and her grief, desperately trying to reach her, blood spewing from my palms, mixing with the soil and clinging to my skin like molasses. Tears streaming down my cheeks like acid as I reach for her soul. I pull her up to me thru the dirt and cradle her against my chest, staring in her dirt covered, scarred face, a reflection of self in her eyes. A guttural whisper escapes her closed mouth...."You cannot save me now. You must save yourself". I attempt to protest as I watch her become sand, slipping thru my fingers and becoming one with the earth once again. I pour my love out thru my tears upon the sand and as they land, a gorgeous vine grows, winding itself around my legs, encapsulating me with patience and comfort. Wrapping me in love and protection as rainbow colored flowers bloom, covering me in a veil of pollen colored trust and I am at peace. Thorns turn to tiny vines and penetrate my skin, reminding me to feel, to remember danger is sometimes beautiful but she is always with me. I am encased in her as she courses thru my body, bursting thru my chest and spilling out upon myself, petals slowly falling upon the ugly mess that I have become. Gently, a strange hand takes mine, pulling me into her arms, cradling me and wiping my tears. I stare deep into dark eyes that look like mine, freckles across her face mimicking my own. She rocks me slowly, close to her chest as I feel her heartbeat grow stronger, Her breath across my forehead heals my wounds and I feel whole. "I wont let this happen again. I love you."